I liked the other colors and stuff but it got too much.  LOL  So, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s ORANGE!  Hee hee…

You know, I have this back pain that doesn’t feel very good.  It’s been going on for awhile now… not like muscles, not like back stretching… like, inside.

I know, go to the doctors.  Thing is, honestly… I don’t wanna.  Maybe I will…

Need to stop smoking!  It’s kinda really and truly scaring me now. 

Hmmm…. 

……thinking of life, and how wonderful it is.  Kinda brings thoughts of our mortality.

‘Nuff of that!

O’er and Out Scout!

~Mon~ 

‘Nuff Said. 

Honestly though… no one has ticked me off at all.  I just LOVE that picture. 

Hope your day is going good!

I have been quit for 2 Days, 5 hours, 22 minutes and 31 seconds (2 days). I have saved $12.78 by not smoking 44 cigarettes. I have saved 3 hours and 40 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 7/27/2005 9:00 AM

So yesterday it seemed that I have a horrific craving for the old "C".  I didn’t understand why it was so horrible.  It was well over a week, and I have the patch on so it didn’t make any sense why it would be this horrible physically. 

Well I called Daniel 10 million times and the one time I couldn’t reach him I was out walking around and walked clear into a cloud of smoke from the local smokers.  That hasn’t been an issue at all since this all started last week, but for some reason yesterday it was just too much.  One of the ladies asked how I was doing and why she hadn’t seen me.  So I explained about the whole quitting thing but that I was TOTALLY craving one of those!

She smiled in this funky way, kinda like "yeah kid, this will fix ya" and handed me one of those disgusting Winstons.  ARGH!  I took only a small puff and the taste alone turned me green.  I made some sort of a face that made them laugh, and said "ACK! I gotta go!" and promptly returned to the building and got sick to my stomache.  Ewwww! 

Okay, so that in itself is good… but while I was in the restroom I noticed my patch from this morning on the floor.  It had fallen off hours before!  No wonder I was having such an issue.

So, there we have it – the "C" makes me totally ill and keep the darned patch strapped onto my arm for a bit.   

But I felt horrible… honestly.  Besides being sick, I felt really guilty!

Next thing was the funky fake cigs that Daniel found and bought for me yesterday.  They are actually helping with the mental part of it today.  But as for the physical cravings… don’t have em.

So my new quit stats are:

I have been quit for 1 Day, 22 minutes and 45 seconds (1 days). I have saved $5.83 by not smoking 20 cigarettes. I have saved 1 hour and 40 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 7/27/2005 9:00 AM

Honestly though, I don’t really see that as smoking – but what the hey.

With regards to Daniel – I find myself wondering how I ever got through life without him.  Weird when you love someone like that.  But awesome!  He’s taking me somewhere tomorrow night, although he hasn’t said where yet.  Did I say he was great at surprises?    We’ll see what he has up his sleeve.

Lator Gator

Well, not any more than normal.  It’s not like there is some big issue, but I’m used to dealing with stress by smoking.  So, I’ve taken up walking around the building when I get the urge!  My stats to date are:

I have been quit for 1 Week, 1 Day, 17 minutes and 58 seconds (8 days). I have saved $46.06 by not smoking 160 cigarettes. I have saved 13 hours and 20 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 7/18/2005 11:47 AM

I actually hit one week.  I’m totally excited!  Whoo Hooo!

Luckilly there isn’t a need to choke anyone right now.  But a vacation would be awesome! 

I go with Daniel to Las Vegas on the 11th of August.  I’m totally excited about that.  We went this past February for our birthdays, so I’m anxious to go again.

Well that’s all for now… I’ll go back to eating pretzels and drinking coffee and running payroll.

….

I stopped smoking on Monday.

The worst part is at work because that’s where I would smoke.  I’m sitting here at my desk ready to absolutely die.  I’m using the patch, so there is mostly no nicotine loss I suppose. But right now is really really bad!

I hate smoking so much!  I hate how it smells, tastes, leaves me without any taste buds… etc.  Everything that is around me when I smoke smells so bad.  I really don’t want to smoke!  ARGH!

I was supposed to leave work at 1 but my ride left, and won’t be back for a bit.  With that, I’m having the worst craving ever right now and can’t get away from work to try to get it to subside.

ARGH!

This is so bad I could absolutely cry.

Wait, it’s starting to feel better… I need to choke someone or something.    Okay, maybe something would be more legal.

I’m leaving to go visit my aunt this weekend with Daniel and the kiddies.  You’d think that the fresh air and 20+ acres would be a GREAT thing!  I am sure it will be.

Well, over and out.  According to my quit-ometer:

I have been quit for 4 Days, 1 hour, 19 minutes and 44 seconds (4 days). I have saved $23.31 by not smoking 81 cigarettes. I have saved 6 hours and 45 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 7/18/2005 11:47 AM

I have to say one thing that makes me feel absolutely awesome right now… I got flowers from Daniel today.  Look!  I smiled again.

Thanks Babe, I truly love you.

One of the many times I tried to quit smoking, I actually posted online.  The date of this is 3/13/2001.  I read it and almost died laughing.  To be honest, it made me feel good to know even I’ve been through this before. 

===

… update …

Let’s see if I can give this update in a nutshell. LOL Not gonna happen, but I will put this in list form:

a. set my quit date 1 week in advance for 03-09-2001

b. buy patches (ouch $$$ but told worth it)

c. threw out all cigs on 03-09-2001 as PLANNED

d. placed patch on arm

e. go to sleep and have a dream I got arrested for saying a very NOT SO NICE word to a California Highway Patrol Officer REPEATEDLY (LOL I don’t even cuss! And have had -0- speeding tickets for over 15 years!) after he drops a file cabinet on me at work (hugh? I work in an accounting office — and not for the state! what’s he doing there!)

f. wake in the morning and stay in bed practically all day biting off the head of any poor soul that DARED to venture my way

g. secretly begin thinking this "PATCH" is a joke and go to change the patch, noting that it ISN’T there and fell off late night prior (ARGH! no wonder!)

h. Decide I don’t need the patch now, since I’m 24 hours into this thing (RED LIGHT AND SIREN FLASHING HERE!)

i. Go through Sunday with my teeth gritted and bought a pack of cigs at night — ONLY to get my boyfriend deciding to be my hero and GRAB it before I can light one and toss them FAR AWAY. (Now if HE wasn’t a police officer, I might have throttled him at that point — LOL Love or no love!).

j. Begin thinking I’m insane

k. Know I’m insane

l. Wake to go to work on Monday, and vow to be a good girl but CRAVE to smoke from the second I get up, until getting to work.

m. One small minor mishap in work within 15 minutes from my arrival and WHAM — someone (not me really… ) takes over my mind and body and hurls myself into my little Toyota ECHO (brand new and smelling like cigs a little already — BLECH!) and drives like the insane IRRATIONAL woman I am to the local store and buys a pack of cigs.

n. No boyfriend to detour me now! ::grumble grumble:: I unwrap those puppies and take an inhale (not even a BIG one mind you). I choke like a mad woman, and crumble it up (both the unsmoked cig and the cig packet) and drive BACK to work.

o. I get back to work — low and behold there’s more stress waiting for me and I get BACK in the Toyota ECHO of mine and speed off to buy yet ANOTHER pack of cigs (IF you are counting that will make 3 packs puchased in one 24 hour period)

p. I see the pack I threw out the window on the side of the road and am half tempted to stop and get it — BUT hold my dignity and drive on and bought the 3rd pack.

q. I get it BACK to work and I smoke a whole cig with one of my co-workers who I’m sure at this point is wondering what telephone number to call to get someone institutionalized.

r. I call my boyfriend and ask him (BEG is a better word here) to PLEASE find those patches that I didn’t use and RUSH them to me RIGHT AWAY!

s. I hand the pack of cigs to my co-worker and say QUICK — KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL! And I dive into my office slamming and locking the door.

t. Boyfriend enters scene with patch in hand wondering if he should 5150 me (crazy woman).

u. I put the patch on at 11:00 AM Monday morning and since that time, I have had

ZERO CRAVINGS FOR NICOTINE!

I swear. 19 Hours later… I haven’t had one strong physical craving for a cigarette. I’m the calmest, most sane wonderful person I’ve been in eons.

What the HECK is in these PATCHES! (uh… duh)

::falls and praises the PATCH god::

The only thing I’m dealing with, and it isn’t even much — is new habits to do when stressed or bored.

I guess I need to redo my quitometer — but basically, it’s been 19+ hours of smoke free and SO LOVING IT!

~Zy~ (the crazy insane sane woman)
www.zyriana.com <~~~ you can see me and my two boys Do I look insane to you?! Hee hee.